#Tesco delivery man and ‘From Essex to London in 101 Boyfriends’

When I went on a ‘how to write a blog’ course last July it was to start me off so eventually I could blog my book ‘From Essex to London in 101 Boyfriends’ . It occurred to me yesterday that there are 52 weeks in a year, so I could blog two boyfriends a week, and week 52 would be dedicated to no 101.

I am hoping to begin on January 1st. It will be a new blog with the title of the book as the title but I shall pretend someone else has written it. It is purely a book of fiction, just a coincidence that I am an Essex girl and live in London and had a few boyfriends.

Roll on 2018

Liz Bentley wishing you a merry Xmas, sparing a thought for Joseph and diving into the pickled walnuts

img_0730How exciting, it’s Xmas eve and my delayed gratification self on this occasion has allowed me to open the pickled walnuts before our Lord Jesus was born.

Whilst chomping on the nut/vinegar delicacies my heart goes out to Joseph, a man who did all the husbandry things, carpentry and stuff and yet his child who is continually celebrated did not come from his sperm.

This montage is designed to give Joseph a voice, a voice that is not often heard.  You can see by his face from the beautifully photographed Women’s Weekly 1984 special edition Xmas plate that he is concerned, troubled.

Whilst wishing all my blog readers a special Xmas and thanks for supporting my blog, I would like to share a thought and prayer to Joseph and all the other Joseph’s out there, everyone who is searching for a sense of home, a real home, people who are starving, people who are being tortured and abused, alcoholics, drug addicts, bulimics and all who struggle at Xmas time.

I wish you a merry Xmas and let’s throw up some figgy pudding

Liz Bentley      XXXXX

 

 

Happy Solstice and thank the forthcoming baby Lord Jesus for my very own Santa’s – Tesco Delivery Men

I have been a recluse and too ill to take pictures of the wonderful Tesco and Amazon men who have been bringing me food for the family and home flu remedies. Seeing different faces in real life is so important, I’m missing life outside the four walls and the Xmas spirit out there. I wonder sometimes whether my mind is so connected to my body that it wants to keep me sick to mimic childhood Xmas trauma , happens every year , but as the world changes I hope for something different next Xmas …

Ho ho ho …..

Liz Bentley in conversation with Garth Morton aka Wellington Womble

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Hi Garth,

I am very excited you are a friend of my friend Gumbi Tog.  I started writing a blog called “Liz Bentley news while waiting for the Tesco Delivery man” I do selfies with the delivery men, when they have time, but sometimes they don’t, or don’t want to so I’m looking to branch out and talk with other people who inspire me.  Please get back to me if you are interested in me interviewing you and just remember  – You’re a Womble.  Liz.  p.s. Do you have any pics?

Hi Liz,

Yeah I Wombled and was on all the recordings on violin. I don’t have any pics although I used to take the costume home for an airing, they stank something rotten. I’ve a few tales that might interest you.  Feel free to ask.  Garth.

Thanks Garth, how exciting.  You play the violin very well.  What did you like most about being a Womble?
Were any of the Wombles victims of sexual harassment ie from bbc djs ? (I don’t want to cause pain so do move on from this question if it brings up trauma )
Was it difficult to run away from adoring crowds in the costume ?
My husband (and I’m sure millions others ) will be playing the Wombling song at his 50th party, at 3am, how do you feel about being part of such an iconic band that a generation grew up with , and that when they get Alzheimer’s they won’t ever forget?  Liz
I didn’t enjoy being a Womble. Firstly you weren’t allowed to talk which was probably a good thing as many a time when I had my hand squeezed or my mask lifted by hundreds of hysterical kids I wanted to let out a tirade of expletives.
Secondly, the costumes were six-foot in length, I being 5′.7″ was constantly tripping up over my feet and worse were the eyes in the head which hung down over my cheeks so my line of vision was somewhat restricted resulting in me tripping and banging into objects. This all brought about a comedic effect which was met with howls of laughter as I missed and crashed down yet another step.
The outfit became unbearably hot and we stripped down to our underwear to survive which gave me paranoia should the costume suddenly come apart. We were dropped in a large park where there was some circus people present and this joker with his pet monkey decided to let it loose on me. Terrified that it might bite and I’d get rabies I tore off at high-speed up this field, the monkey gaining on me. I was tripping up over my oversize feet and cursing all the way. Fortunately the joker caught up just as ‘Cheetah’ descended on me. I pleaded to him to get the bloody thing away from me which he did reluctantly. Out of breath and exhausted I had to make a circuit of the field to shake hands with the adoring crowd. Suddenly a fine little tyke pulled my mask up and seeing my red, sweating face turned to his mum and goes ‘Look mum. He’s pissed!’  If you had put a lighted wick in my mouth it would have burnt for three days!  Garth.

I’m sorry to hear that Garth.  The world needs to know about this.  Can I have your permission to publish? I always ask my Tesco Delivery men.  Liz

Womble free.  Garth x

Thank you, I am star struck.  Liz x

 

 

The very lovely Felix #Tesco Delivery man and an exciting new blog post to celebrate the #Wombles, coming very soon ……

On Sunday, alongside the amazing #Jude Cowan Montague, #Shabsi Mann, #Matt Scott, #Caroline Kraabel and of course the one and only #Hugh Metcalf, I am performing my ‘In conversation with Garth Morton aka #Wellington Womble (the one that plays the violin)’ at the Klinker club #www.klinkerclub.com.  I shall also be singing other ditties like ‘The Bulimics Xmas Day Meal’ and ‘Trial without Catheter’.  As we are soon to celebrate the birth of our lord Jesus Christ, we shall be singing ‘The Dying Song’ together.  What a night.  img_0657Do join me if you are alive.

Trigger happy online #Tesco

img_0653After the excitement of the pickled walnuts I became a bit trigger happy on my last order and received 3 packets of 32 instead of 2 packets which were 2 for £2.70, instead of 1 for £3.32.   I may not need 3 in my lifetime unless I pass onto my daughters so gave one packet back to Dwayne to refund.

Of course there is much controversy on tax on these products.  Dwayne is currently my most favourite Tesco Delivery man.